Bouncing back from that gloomy phase!!

All of us get into that zone where everything around us seems very uncertain...we suddenly are surrounded by the dark grey clouds of DOUBT and we feel where are we heading??It can be in relationships, career, friendship or anything else and I am sure as life progresses we tend to have frequent visits by these not so welcome clouds of Doubt and it makes us feel really low at times.

Adding on to the misery are the times when you do not know who to share it with...simple reasons...either you have discussed it too many times with your close ones that they just shun it off like some irrational thing you keep talking about...or you genuinely fail to express it the way you feel it...the second one happens with me a lot of times..so you just end up fighting these fears on your own but you know they will reappear. We cannot actually blame others too since they are not experiencing this anxiety so its difficult for them to comprehend it as well...like the indifferent face I would make if somebody keeps talking to me about football -  in which I have absolutely no interest or knowledge about.

So we just tend to blame our choices or the choices made for us...we blame our destiny or the people around us for making us feel that way...but nothing really heels us from inside until we decide to do the heeling ourselves. I remember this beautiful dialogue from the movie "English Vinglish" that sometimes the other person does not even know how you are feeling - then how can you expect him/her to help you...that is the time when you need to help yourself - n that is the case most of the times.

As a student I remember a lot of times I felt low...bad grades....changing dynamics of friendship...and obviously what next after school....there were endless things on my mind and I had no clue how to deal with it...I could never really confide into my friends or parents about this...so for them I was just being indifferent to these things...but I wasn't...I was struggling to figure out my way to deal with it all...and this happens even now...with different people and scenarios...we all are vulnerable at times and that probably is the hardest period for us to cope up with...the people closest to us are still unaware about whats going inside us...n these are the times when we need to bounce back...and one thing that really works for me is Movies :) and obviously any past memory where you have overcome such a phase and probably given your best performance...like that saying "we tend to deliver our best under the most painful scenarios".

There will be the rainy days when the world will seem unfair and grey
You'll miss the sunshine around you, the happiness and play
But they'll make you stronger and wiser than any of the sunny days
Making you believe in the light from inside, guiding your way!

So do not let these gloomy phases take over...fight them and bounce back with a BANG!

DIWALI - Making it a Happy one for all around us!

Diwali - my favorite festival of the year...the lights, the happiness and the whole family coming together...and as a Kid I obviously loved the crackers part of it...in fact it was the best thing for me to do on Diwali :) I remember the first year when I decided not to burst any crackers , I was 13 at that time, it was like a big sacrifice I am doing to save my mother earth!! I was proud of taking that step and I clearly remember lecturing a lot of my friends and family members on the same...I think I will always remember that as the first step I took which made me realize there's more to our lives than just pleasing ourselves and it made me feel different :)


After 17 long years, yesterday, I felt I have been ignoring a huge part of the problem. I have to say thanks to my kids in TFI for helping me realize this after all this time. We all get crazy amounts of gifts on Diwali...which we happily either pass ahead or stack somewhere in our homes to be used later and it continues year after year. We spend endless amount of money decorating our houses, buying new clothes, jewelry and what not on auspicious occasions like Diwali and then when we look around there are many more people who are just looking at our houses...smiling...they have none of it but the smile on their faces is brighter than ours!

I see small kids selling diyas and decorative items for Diwali on the roads...yesterday I saw one girl doing acrobats right in the middle of traffic...during a red light just so that some people give her money...its a shockingly different scenario than what we do in our lives. I certainly do not advocate giving these kids money to just make them happy as we all are aware of this beggar rackets operating around and who knows what these kids are left with at the end of the day...but all I wonder is how can we do something meaningful to give them their share of happiness which they very much deserve...we can share our gifts, give them new clothes but that wont really solve the problem...but yes it may brighten up their day and give them the much deserved smile for a couple of days!

All I have is questions right now...and I know that I need to take one step at time to make the situation better..but these images have triggered the process in my mind and I hope to make the festival of lights a Happy one for all around us giving it more meaning and adding value to someone's life :D

The pursuit of Happiness...

Happiness.... one thing everybody wants...and its like sand..the more tightly you want to hold on to it the faster it slips away from your hands. It surely does not come easy to most of us...especially as we grow up...we tend to see more problems than possibilities...with our mature minds we tend to critically analyze everything...which is not a bad thing but in this process I feel we lose our inner peace as we judge every person, every material thing by its brand, money in comparison to what my peers are earning..its crazy...the contentment we had as kids vanishes...where even a small toffee made us jump around with excitement and we could wait the whole day to just it get it once.

I just had a small lil kid at my place visit us for 2 days and his smile and energy was infectious...he was excited for no reason...happy and jumping around as if he's won a lottery and all of this just because either he was eating his favorite sweet or watching his favorite cartoon...I see the same thing in school too when I watch my kids playing in that limited area of the classroom...sharing whatever food they get from home...the smile when they get a new pencil to work with...the list is endless :) and now when I think of if I am happy...I see no reason to complain...but still I feel I am seeking something...I do not smile that genuinely as my kids do...I hardly get excited about things now..I don't remember the last time i jumped around anywhere out of happiness...may be like 8 months back when i got selected for Teach for India.

While talking to a friend yesterday...I realized we are always craving for that one thing we do not have in our life at that moment...like when i was staying by myself in Mumbai...I craved for a settled/sorted life...having a dependable life partner...a warm family environment...and today when I have all of this...I miss my freedom..the randomness of my life before...as there was some excitement....I didn't know where I was heading so there were endless possibilities which now seem very restricted. I can bet if i get a chance today to move out and stay alone again...in 6 months i'll miss my family...and thats what is like a vicious cycle...you keep seeking what you do not have but you cannot possibly have everything.

We all know it...and we keep forgetting it...keep getting depressed...but we need to surface again...fight that depression and look around...there are millions of people who are an inspiration...the maid in my house...who in last 2 years has barely stepped out of this house but still manages to laugh and smile....the kids in my class with torn uniforms but hearts of gold full of love...they all choose to be happy no matter what happens...if if they have a fight..they do not take more than 5 minutes to flash that killer smile again...n thats what I need to learn :D to let go off things which disturb me and keep the memories which make me smile. 

I do understand what this quote means now:"The secret of Happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less!" - Socrates

I am glad I am on this journey of learning with my kids where I learn more from them than I can teach them :)

Hope is all you need :)

It’s my  8^th day of teaching in summer school today and every day has been like a unique experience. From getting the high of being loved by my students and all the excitement I see on their faces when they see me from experiencing the lows of not able to finish my lesson, waiting for a long long time  just to make sure everyone is quite and is paying attention to what I'm trying to say. Trust me it can get really frustrating. 

I always felt being a Teacher was easy…If I can work on Financials…make models etc…Teaching is like the easiest thing to do for me…but the myth has been shattered completely. I spend ard 2 hours making a lesson plan everyday…I end up researching like 50 different ways of teaching at school and then I chose one after considering what my students may enjoy learning this way. Right from figuring out how will I start my instructions to what rewards I will give them If they maintain discipline, answer correctly or at least listen to me quietly. I enter the class confidently…that yes today I will show the world the “art of Teaching”…n what happens is the exact opposite.

So when its time for me to start….I ask all the students to look at me..they don’t…then I try the new concept we learnt here “Attention Grabbers” which goes like “1, 2…Eyes on You” and ideally all kids are supposed to look at me..but they say it very well but they are looking somewhere else only…I am disappointed but its ok..I try again…I repeat the same thing like 4 times to make sure everyone is finally looking at me.

I repeat the rules for my class every day hoping that they will remember it on their own some day…and yes there are days when they show it but most days its heart breaking to see them doing everything else but following 2 simple rules which are –

11.When Didi is talking – you will only Listen (with actions)

22.Raise your hands quietly if you have any questions/ or if you know the answer

Now how difficult is that to follow?? Well..It is... in last 8 days I have realized its phenomenally difficult to expect that from Grade 2 students and this makes things really tough. Cos I as a person have this weakness…I don’t really have a very loud voice and when my class is just not responding I go Blank…I feel that m wasting their time as I cant generate interest in what I’m trying to teach them and obv they are not understanding a word. Like today…I had made an elaborate lesson plan and I could not even cover 30% of it. By the end of my lesson I felt like a complete failure.

So I came towards the back side of the class…feeling like a complete idiot…who cant even handle a handful of 2 nd grade kids n here I was thinking I’ll bring the change in the society…HOW???

Lost in my thoughts…I was looking at all the kids around me and there I saw this girl who was sort of in a similar mind frame as me…I felt that looking at her eyes…just not interested in what is happening in class…she was busy trying to put her finger in the door handle right beside her. So I decided to go sit with her . Her name is Bhakti. I asked her…”why are you not paying attention.” Bhakti responded - “Didi ghar jaana hai” and I was like ok..I asked her why…don’t you like studying..the obv reply came NO and I can totally relate to that…I never enjoyed studying as a kid n esp when I don’t understand a word of what the teacher is trying to teach.

I decided to help her with some basic math concepts…and we started with counting till 100. She did that perfectly…then we started with simple addition. Initially she was confused, but then we tried to figure out answers using some boxes…so when we had to add 2 numbers…we had to draw boxes and then add them…and this she enjoyed. So we started doing this for 2+4, 3+5, 6+4 etc. Then from there we changed the pattern and we started using our fingers and then we started drawing single lines to count and add. So by the end of it..she could do a 10+12=22 on her own and I felt so proud her.

In that one moment…I went from like feeling super low before I started talking to her to like may be one of the best feelings of achieving something. I was actually a little sentimental as I could feel that attachment with this girl…who was smiling at me know when I gave her a smiley for solving this problem on her own. Today I realized how proud teachers can feel when they see their students doing well J  and I feel this heartfelt thanks to all the Teachers I have had in my life who have lifted my spirits when I badly needed it…and when I say Teachers I refer to all those people who had been there to guide me…including my parents offcourse J, my friends, my husband, my family…who have stood by me and did not let me lose hope…they gave me Hope of a better tomorrow..they still do J

And today this little girl was that one person who saved me…I went ahead and spoke to her thinking I’m going to help her..but it was the other way round…she helped me come out of that gloomy failure mood to the one where I felt that I can still make a difference,.,..even if One child at a time..There’s still Hope J Thank you Bhakti!

Connecting redefined - from dreadful connects at work to a beautiful experience!!

Connects - until now I used to run away the moment I heard the word "connect" as most of us know these connects are dangerous meetings which either blow your mind off ( not in a good way to say the least) or are something like "Feedback" sessions which is basically all about what you are doing wrong...I dreaded these connects throughout my career and Honestly I had not heard of this term before that (which were happier times obv :P )

Well...so today we were supposed to have a "Connect" to basically reflect on our Life story...based on my prior experiences and "Pre conceived notions" (which I am trying to get rid off) I thought its going to be another run of the mill session where people will talk all high funda in a very superficial manner and thats about it...But I was wrong and this time again I was happy to be proved wrong :) 

So today's connect was like the first time I heard people open up like in the truest of forms...they actually shared like some really moving facts of their lives and how it changed them and which gave me the courage to do the same as well. We usually have a face for the world which we want to show...but inside we have a lot of things which we at times are scared to express or depict as we feel unsure of how people around will take it or may be we have experienced rejection at some point of time because of it.

If I talk about myself...it took me a lot of time to accept my true nature and get comfortable about it...and not feel awkward for being an introvert and I think some people might laugh at this who have seen me yapping a lot of times...but honestly that is something I made an effort to do...so there are topics and people which click and I can talk endlessly about them..but most times it takes me a while to continue a conversation after 5 mins...and then you move to "What else"/ "aur Bataao"...I actually will like to thank one of my really good school friends to introduce these words to me as they rescued me from talking too much and just let the other person go on :P 

My love for seclusion is not something people quite relate to a lot of times so I never actually spoke about it...for the fear of appearing like a psycho or something like that...but today in front almost unknown people I did talk about all of this and I ended up being so vulnerable that I cried...cos i think it was the first time I was talking about it in an open forum and I was not scared of being judged...I could just be myself and be open about it..I didn't have to think that ok this trait is going to held against me...this not how a future leader should be like..etc etc..I was relieved and I feel so light

Post that session when I was just still in that mode...I realized the reason we don't really connect with a lot of people is because we ourselves don't really come out of our shells and we are playing it too safe...we don't want people to judge us and on the contrary we tend to judge people a bit too fast basis their way of talking...dressing..or anything which we don't exactly relate to...and that applies to me as well...I have been doing that all my life I guess. 

Today for the first time in my life...I felt so transparent and the bond that we actually created in this process...its so special like we were actually a family who knows all about you..like a childhood friend with whom you have shared all your secrets..its like we made each other a part of a our story and hopefully for many more years to come we will be able connect and share our stories without any apprehensions..just being our true selves :) 

The Choice of BEING HUMAN!

"Being Human is given...But Keeping our Humanity is a Choice"

Today I experienced what this really means.I have just started my new journey and as a part of that we had gone for a community visit today with a task - To help/serve people in any which way we can. It seemed quite simple...I mean who doesn't need a hand...and I will not mind if somebody comes and helps me with my work :) Infact M sure we all just hope and pray to get some help at work...in college for those crazy assignments...in School for crappy homework...I mean whatever age we are..Help is always welcome :D

But, today I experienced exactly the opposite...So when I tried to offer some help to 2 kids who were filling 2 big gallons of water...they jus ran away with their gallons as if I'm gonna steal it (not sure if they were scared by my looks :P)...for a second I thought ok.. what did I say...I thought I was just trying to help... anyways I moved on and tried again...this time it was a elderly lady making garlands to be sold near the temple...so I asked her agn.."Hello aunty...do u need any help with your work?" and She said No...I was like blank..and then I felt like really weird but I had to help someone...it was the task :P....n it literally was turning out to be one hell of a task as nobody was willing to take help...

Then just walking along the road I came across a another lady..almost my grandma;s age...she was carrying a stick and looked very fragile...So I thought may be I can assist her with walking her back home...(Like i mentioned I had a mission to "HELP")...so I just asked her - "Aunty...do you need to go some where? I can help you :)"...and she said No again...n I felt like shit...but then I just decided to stay back and talk to her...so It started with the casual questions like Do you come here often? and she replied ...Yes, I stay near by....I like sitting here in the evening and watch people passing by :) she had this really infectious smile..I mean the cute one with no teeth..it resembled a baby smiling...so I continued talking further..and again the "HELP" part popped in my mind and I asked her If i could by her some fruits or tea from a near by vendor...Yeah ...u got that right...I was not ging to give up on my mission :D but her response surprised me...she said No...I don't want to eat but why don't you come to my place...I'll show you my house..and I was like quite stumped about ok.here I was trying to do something for her and she's offering me to visit her house instead...this is not how this is supposed to be going..but anyhowI went ahead with her...

We entered the place which was a small room with a bed and a small table fan on the side...but I have never experienced a more welcoming place in my life..The feeling was beautiful like I could feel the love she had for a complete stranger that I was for her...and she took out a small box of biscuits and offered me...I felt so overwhelmed by her gesture that I didn't know what to say...and on top of that a relative of her's got a cup of tea for her and she told her to get another cup for me..and she held my hand and just started looking at me and had tears in her eyes...and I was like completely taken by the love I could see in her eyes...like such a pure emotion and for me who she barely knew for like last 10 mins...Wowww! When I left her place...I couldn't exactly comprehend what exactly was I feeling..I knew i got emotional and almost was about to cry...Cry about the whole irony of the situation and the feeling I just experienced...a realization that helping others is not necessarily about work...it can also be about giving your time to someone who needs it... a simple smile to someone who probably doesn't have anyone to talk to.

We see so many strangers who come to our place and we are always suspicious even if somebody is talking nicely cos we are so sure he/she has an ulterior motive...we are so scared to trust people that we have forgotten how to relish the simple pleasures in life...and that was what I experienced today...I dunno If i could help her in anyway...the only thing I could feel was that she was happy to see me to come and talk to her..but what she made me feel today I'll remember for life...its one of the most beautiful memories I have made and I know it will make me smile every time I think about it :)

Dil Dhadkne Do!!

I just came back after watching a much awaited movie - "Dil Dhadkne Do" and I'v been thinking ever since I have moved out of the theatre...its that kind of a movie which leaves an impact on you and makes you think....rise above our day to day mundane problems and look at the bigger picture...you can call it a modernized Rajshree Family drama too...but it makes a point (apart from all the love and togetherness of the family) in fact a lot of points and I could relate to so many of them.

Starting with the whole different treatment we still have between a daughter and a son in a family...even the well offs have this problem...its not restricted to the poor (which is kinda really sad that even the educated are still stuck with that sort of a thought process) then to the ages old concept of once a girl is married she is not a part of the family...and she is expected to keep her husband and his family above everything else....

There is this beautiful scene where Rahul Bose - playing a husband says "I was the first guy in my family to "allow" Ayesha (his wife) to set up her business" and very rightly pointed out who gave your the right to consider yourself to have the authority to allow anyone to do what he/she wants...and this happens in so many different forms...starting from certain dress codes implemented or allowed for girls in the house to the kind of jobs they are allowed to do...the timings to be back home (which I know for most cases are different for boys and girls) and I guess the list is endless..

Then off course the big issue of having kids...some say it in a subtle fashion...and some make it extremely obvious and I guess we can still handle family...but there are certain people who you have barely met for 5 minutes and they just tell you..."You are late...you should have kids by now" and to top it all they on their own decide that we should have a son...I mean Hello?? For girls its worst...as they get every possible advice to look after her family...leave your career focus on your family...forget about problems..have kids all will be fine...its like Bacha na hua Aladdin ka Chiraag ho gaya that it will grant all ur wishes. It is a decision a couple is supposed to make mutually and when they are ready...if they have any concerns they will discuss...simple as that.

Staying together and staying happily together are 2 different things and if two people are not happy with each other...there's no point dragging a relationship cos in the process you just end up hurting each other and hurting your own self...so y is still Divorce a Taboo? 

Hats off to Zoya Akhtar for putting forward all these questions again for all of us with a beautiful message in the end that every heart wants to beat its own way (Irrespective of being a girl or a guy)...why stop it...why tame it..let it dance to its own beat...just let it be!

Mom's Magic

"I realized when you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know.” —Mitch Albom

Mom's the word - if u ever find yourself low, alone, sick....one touch of her hand...her voice.. can soothe you like nothing else in the whole world. 

I have been the one and only child of my parents and a very possessive child when I was young :) didn't like my mom loving any other kid...often referred to as a typical trait of "single" childs!! I dunno if that really holds true for everyone but yes I was like that...may b I still am...just that i can mask it better now :P so I always had her attention...I remember waking up at night and telling her I'm hungry and she made parathas for me...making me sit on the kitchen slab and then making sure I sleep well :D 

Remember birthdays in school...when all we wanted to do was look the best in a new dress and distribute the best of sweets...and how many tantrums we had for selecting a dress...and I seriously wonder why did our mom tolerate them....I dunno if I can be that patient with my kids (if I have any at all)...My mom says..when she had me...all she wanted to do was keep me happy...and I hear the same story from my friends who have babies and all my aunts and I Believe it has to be something magical which changes in you once you are a Mother...like you suddenly get an ocean of love and patience towards your child and nothing else matters.

I have stayed away from my parents for quite sometime due to studies and then work...the first time I left home..I was quite excited to be "FREE" and my mom had come along to make sure I settle down comfortably...I still cannot forget when I dropped her at the airport and I was on my way back to the hostel...I cried like crazy....cos thats when I realized I'm going to be living without her for good 2 years now...no early morning waking up...no amazing food...no chit chat sessions at tea time...I think that was the first time I realized how much she means to me...

A similar but a more intense feeling came when I got married...Like i mentioned above...u miss your parents when you stay away but somehow you are still together...but after marriage the whole equation is like revised like nothing before....you may be staying like 2 blocks away...but you still just cant hop out of ur place and go and stay with her anytime...and that pinches...but when you do finally get to stay at your mum's place..its like HEAVEN...and I can bet all married girls agree to this :P and in my case i get flashbacks...like when I see my mother in law making something for my husband...like his fav dish or something...it reminds me of my mom doing the same for me...and I miss her terriblyyy at that moment...you do get used to it...but marriage gives a whole new dimension to the word "MOM" at least for girls :) 

No matter how old we get...we still need her...and it's a blessing to have her around us as that form of Love is something nobody else can share with us :) it's pure bliss - Mom's Magic!

Music = Magic = Life :)

Is Scoring High really your ticket to Success? - I have my doubts!

As a Student and even now for that matter, I have always been extremely motivated by such quotes, the bottom line being - Scoring high marks is no sure shot ticket to success! That there  is still hope for people like me :)  and with all due respect to the rank holders, this post is purely meant for the masses...who end up hearing stories or comments about people who they should be like...which includes me :D

Me being a very average student all my life I always had doubts about wether I will be able to do anything worthwhile in my life?? Do I really have a future - I didn't score 90%+ in my boards?? No scholarships to boast of etc etc...Just because I'm just an average student I will end up with a average paying job and my future is doomed.But I was so wrong as when you eventually explore the options/opportunities around you there is plenty of space for all of us to do well...we just need to be aware and wiling to try something new...something which can be a bit offbeat compared to the boring old school manta of Medicine/Engg/CA/MBA etc...

I'm sure many of us have had the same thought process engrained in us since childhood that if you need to be successful you have study and score high else you have no HOPE in life. I obviously cannot deny the importance of studying hard, but I totally detest this concept of studying hard for marks...ranks..admissions...it just takes away the whole fun part from learning and all you want to do is come up with a best possible answer in your exam which can fetch you maximum marks. That's where the rat race begins...and as we all know it...it continues ,just in different forms, in our life.

I loved 3 IDIOTS to put across this message in such a beautiful manner for all of us and my favorite dialogue from the movie still is  " Success ke peeche mat bhaago, Kabil bano, success jhak maarke tumhaare peeche aayegi"  - the whole crux of which is whatever you do put your heart into it and you will succeed. Don't just measure success in terms of better marks, better job or higher salary - it's the real satisfaction you get after your work which speaks for itself and you can easily ignore the likes of Veeru Sahastrabudhi aka VIRUS's around you :P 

A lot of times we feel that our friends are doing better than us or that we have been left behind....honestly this comparison is never ending as at any point in time there will be some people doing better than you and there will be some who are lagging behind...so we really need to STOP COMPARING ourselves with others...we are all good and we are destined to do different things so why compare. Success is a very relative term, for some its all the money in the world, for others it may be the all the love they get from their friends and family...so why let others decide if you have achieved your bit, its only you who knows it best.

It's entirely on us to believe in ourselves and the power of our Dreams and our Will...so let the world give your its doze of gyaan...you just listen to your own music and carry on! 

As Simon Sinek has said in this beautiful quote "Don't quit...Never give up trying to build the world you can see, even if others can't see it.Listen to your drum and your drum only...it's the one that makes the sweetest sound" 

The World awaits your talent, you just need figure out what is it :)

The Perfect Sunday Morning!

Sundays for me have always been the most relaxed day of the week...you wake up at ease, sip a good cup of tea and just enjoy this morning before the week starts again and so does the daily grind. My favorite part of any holiday is an easy morning where i can enjoy my morning tea in peace...I always fantasized myself in a beautiful balcony surrounded by a lush green valley and a river flowing in between...I'm sure many people can relate to it :) but cut to reality there is no balcony and we can easily forget the valley part...City life as they say..surrounded by houses/buildings all around. But yes we still have the cup of tea to start the day...n peace! 

Peace is again a very subjective term i think, for me it is a nice cosy room - quite - where i am free to just be blank or think whatever i want and smile to myself :) simple pleasures of life...again a rare thing in todays times.

I remember when I was in Mumbai, I used to just look put of my window and observe people walking by and I enjoyed doing that...the little kids playing around, the older people just sitting on the benches and watching over the kids :) Once a friend told me, it not bad to be alone, its bad to feel lonely. For me it was like same thing before i actually experienced the joy of being alone and thats when i could differentiate that I wasn't feeling lonely even though I was all by myself.On the contrary, I have felt lonely surrounded by family/friends but I quite could not accept that feeling and hence I was in constant denial. Sitting by that window, I was alone but I felt complete and was happy about that moment. Thats a rare thing, when you actually are just enjoying the moment you are in and have that smile on your face :)

I look forward to many such mornings ahead...