Its been 3 months since I entered this phase of Motherhood - initially it was shockingly different from all the lovely pictures you see on Facebook with mothers cuddling their babies with a big smile...Man I could barely move...forget cuddling my baby post delivery. The entire hospital episode was something i don't think i would want to recall....I mean all I could think about was how come nobody talks about this when they tell you to plan a family...they should also inform you about how painful and torturous the whole process is going to be!
Anyways..leaving the bad memories behind...lets come to the good part...The baby is cute..great...he may resemble you...bonus points for that...its an awesome feeling to see the baby grow and learn everyday..the chuckles..the first smile...first eye contact...first picture together...these are all beautiful memories to cherish..but there is another side of the story too which nobody talks about. Its not all rosy and I seriously feel that lets be open about accepting that too.
The "woman" is completely overshadowed by the "Mother"...you barely get time to eat...so forget how you look...forget connecting with people and your "ME" time is a thing of history!! Now...as we all know...our mothers did this their whole life with a smile...but are we cut out to do the same..and just this and still be happy?? I am sure there are a lot of women who are..and I respect them totally...but I also want to highlight that there are people like me..who want more from life!
Sadly even today people think that being a mother is like ultimate goal of a woman's life...and thanks to this notion we end up compromising even before the journey starts...wether its leaving your job...taking a break from your job...if you end up looking for a new job post a couple of months...you'll be expected to be super flexible and always available for your baby by your family...and at work you'll be constantly trying to prove yourself bcos you are a mother who is trying hard to focus on work but her mind is always stuck at home ( again...thats wat people assume but we know its not always like that if we have proper support).
Becoming a mother does not turn you into a saint...contrary to an opinion which people seem to have...that a mother only thinks about her child..has no desire other than seeing the baby happy...so lets face it....there is no denying that obviously we would want the baby happy no matter what...and we go beyond our comfort zones to ensure that....infact the first few months comfort zone does not exist for us...but there will be times when you feel like taking a break from this routine and not just to sleep...but to things you like to do...to go out..meet friends...catch a movie...shop for urself...go on a date...we are human too!! So y do people seem to attach this sense of greatness to us...it only makes us feel guilty to indulge in pleasure thinking...Oh am I suppose to be doing this?? Does that make me a bad mother??
Now like for instance...the first few days after my baby...there were times...I seriously felt to just get an hour off and do nothing...i badly wanted a break from being around the baby all the time...but I felt weird too...cos I wasn't sure am I supposed to feel this way?? I am the Mom..and I have an impression of mom's being happy with their kids 24*7...for me it has just been like 14 days of motherhood and I was tired already....so is that even allowed?? And this keeps happening even now...
It took me a while to accept it and be chill about it...I think its ok to take out time for yourself...I think its ok to let urself forget for a while that you're a mom and you need to be responsible all the time...I think this what kills you at times...being the super responsible figure 24*7...the baby needs you..right..but there are others in the family too who can help and I think its healthy for the baby to interact with more and more people.
There will be times when you may hear things like "How can you stay away from the baby for so long?" or add a little drama and " Maa ka dil kaise maan jaata hai bache se due rehne ke liye" so to all these peope..Maa is also human...she needs to feel good at times and she has every right to enjoy her life...so please do not try to bound her...be supportive...take care of the baby for a few hours and she will thank you Dil se.
The first time i ventured out..alone..leaving my baby behind...I felt guilty...but spending 2 hours out of the house...made me feel normal again...sipping a cup of hot coffee is a luxury for Mums...and it felt like heaven...the peace...even scorching heat of June felt pleasant...and thats when I decided that I totally owe it to myself to have some good time...which means my time off the whole baby business.
I still have my dreams intact and I'm not going to scrap them... my long awaited Solo trip...my night out plan with my friends...my awesome uninterrupted gup shup sessions with my mom...and getting back to work...I do not mind waiting..but I do not intend to turn into an ever sacrificing mum......I sound Selfish....yes I am but I am not a tad bit guilty about it!!
