Hope is all you need :)

It’s my  8^th day of teaching in summer school today and every day has been like a unique experience. From getting the high of being loved by my students and all the excitement I see on their faces when they see me from experiencing the lows of not able to finish my lesson, waiting for a long long time  just to make sure everyone is quite and is paying attention to what I'm trying to say. Trust me it can get really frustrating. 

I always felt being a Teacher was easy…If I can work on Financials…make models etc…Teaching is like the easiest thing to do for me…but the myth has been shattered completely. I spend ard 2 hours making a lesson plan everyday…I end up researching like 50 different ways of teaching at school and then I chose one after considering what my students may enjoy learning this way. Right from figuring out how will I start my instructions to what rewards I will give them If they maintain discipline, answer correctly or at least listen to me quietly. I enter the class confidently…that yes today I will show the world the “art of Teaching”…n what happens is the exact opposite.

So when its time for me to start….I ask all the students to look at me..they don’t…then I try the new concept we learnt here “Attention Grabbers” which goes like “1, 2…Eyes on You” and ideally all kids are supposed to look at me..but they say it very well but they are looking somewhere else only…I am disappointed but its ok..I try again…I repeat the same thing like 4 times to make sure everyone is finally looking at me.

I repeat the rules for my class every day hoping that they will remember it on their own some day…and yes there are days when they show it but most days its heart breaking to see them doing everything else but following 2 simple rules which are –

11.When Didi is talking – you will only Listen (with actions)

22.Raise your hands quietly if you have any questions/ or if you know the answer

Now how difficult is that to follow?? Well..It is... in last 8 days I have realized its phenomenally difficult to expect that from Grade 2 students and this makes things really tough. Cos I as a person have this weakness…I don’t really have a very loud voice and when my class is just not responding I go Blank…I feel that m wasting their time as I cant generate interest in what I’m trying to teach them and obv they are not understanding a word. Like today…I had made an elaborate lesson plan and I could not even cover 30% of it. By the end of my lesson I felt like a complete failure.

So I came towards the back side of the class…feeling like a complete idiot…who cant even handle a handful of 2 nd grade kids n here I was thinking I’ll bring the change in the society…HOW???

Lost in my thoughts…I was looking at all the kids around me and there I saw this girl who was sort of in a similar mind frame as me…I felt that looking at her eyes…just not interested in what is happening in class…she was busy trying to put her finger in the door handle right beside her. So I decided to go sit with her . Her name is Bhakti. I asked her…”why are you not paying attention.” Bhakti responded - “Didi ghar jaana hai” and I was like ok..I asked her why…don’t you like studying..the obv reply came NO and I can totally relate to that…I never enjoyed studying as a kid n esp when I don’t understand a word of what the teacher is trying to teach.

I decided to help her with some basic math concepts…and we started with counting till 100. She did that perfectly…then we started with simple addition. Initially she was confused, but then we tried to figure out answers using some boxes…so when we had to add 2 numbers…we had to draw boxes and then add them…and this she enjoyed. So we started doing this for 2+4, 3+5, 6+4 etc. Then from there we changed the pattern and we started using our fingers and then we started drawing single lines to count and add. So by the end of it..she could do a 10+12=22 on her own and I felt so proud her.

In that one moment…I went from like feeling super low before I started talking to her to like may be one of the best feelings of achieving something. I was actually a little sentimental as I could feel that attachment with this girl…who was smiling at me know when I gave her a smiley for solving this problem on her own. Today I realized how proud teachers can feel when they see their students doing well J  and I feel this heartfelt thanks to all the Teachers I have had in my life who have lifted my spirits when I badly needed it…and when I say Teachers I refer to all those people who had been there to guide me…including my parents offcourse J, my friends, my husband, my family…who have stood by me and did not let me lose hope…they gave me Hope of a better tomorrow..they still do J

And today this little girl was that one person who saved me…I went ahead and spoke to her thinking I’m going to help her..but it was the other way round…she helped me come out of that gloomy failure mood to the one where I felt that I can still make a difference,.,..even if One child at a time..There’s still Hope J Thank you Bhakti!

Connecting redefined - from dreadful connects at work to a beautiful experience!!

Connects - until now I used to run away the moment I heard the word "connect" as most of us know these connects are dangerous meetings which either blow your mind off ( not in a good way to say the least) or are something like "Feedback" sessions which is basically all about what you are doing wrong...I dreaded these connects throughout my career and Honestly I had not heard of this term before that (which were happier times obv :P )

Well...so today we were supposed to have a "Connect" to basically reflect on our Life story...based on my prior experiences and "Pre conceived notions" (which I am trying to get rid off) I thought its going to be another run of the mill session where people will talk all high funda in a very superficial manner and thats about it...But I was wrong and this time again I was happy to be proved wrong :) 

So today's connect was like the first time I heard people open up like in the truest of forms...they actually shared like some really moving facts of their lives and how it changed them and which gave me the courage to do the same as well. We usually have a face for the world which we want to show...but inside we have a lot of things which we at times are scared to express or depict as we feel unsure of how people around will take it or may be we have experienced rejection at some point of time because of it.

If I talk about myself...it took me a lot of time to accept my true nature and get comfortable about it...and not feel awkward for being an introvert and I think some people might laugh at this who have seen me yapping a lot of times...but honestly that is something I made an effort to do...so there are topics and people which click and I can talk endlessly about them..but most times it takes me a while to continue a conversation after 5 mins...and then you move to "What else"/ "aur Bataao"...I actually will like to thank one of my really good school friends to introduce these words to me as they rescued me from talking too much and just let the other person go on :P 

My love for seclusion is not something people quite relate to a lot of times so I never actually spoke about it...for the fear of appearing like a psycho or something like that...but today in front almost unknown people I did talk about all of this and I ended up being so vulnerable that I cried...cos i think it was the first time I was talking about it in an open forum and I was not scared of being judged...I could just be myself and be open about it..I didn't have to think that ok this trait is going to held against me...this not how a future leader should be like..etc etc..I was relieved and I feel so light

Post that session when I was just still in that mode...I realized the reason we don't really connect with a lot of people is because we ourselves don't really come out of our shells and we are playing it too safe...we don't want people to judge us and on the contrary we tend to judge people a bit too fast basis their way of talking...dressing..or anything which we don't exactly relate to...and that applies to me as well...I have been doing that all my life I guess. 

Today for the first time in my life...I felt so transparent and the bond that we actually created in this process...its so special like we were actually a family who knows all about you..like a childhood friend with whom you have shared all your secrets..its like we made each other a part of a our story and hopefully for many more years to come we will be able connect and share our stories without any apprehensions..just being our true selves :) 

The Choice of BEING HUMAN!

"Being Human is given...But Keeping our Humanity is a Choice"

Today I experienced what this really means.I have just started my new journey and as a part of that we had gone for a community visit today with a task - To help/serve people in any which way we can. It seemed quite simple...I mean who doesn't need a hand...and I will not mind if somebody comes and helps me with my work :) Infact M sure we all just hope and pray to get some help at work...in college for those crazy assignments...in School for crappy homework...I mean whatever age we are..Help is always welcome :D

But, today I experienced exactly the opposite...So when I tried to offer some help to 2 kids who were filling 2 big gallons of water...they jus ran away with their gallons as if I'm gonna steal it (not sure if they were scared by my looks :P)...for a second I thought ok.. what did I say...I thought I was just trying to help... anyways I moved on and tried again...this time it was a elderly lady making garlands to be sold near the temple...so I asked her agn.."Hello aunty...do u need any help with your work?" and She said No...I was like blank..and then I felt like really weird but I had to help someone...it was the task :P....n it literally was turning out to be one hell of a task as nobody was willing to take help...

Then just walking along the road I came across a another lady..almost my grandma;s age...she was carrying a stick and looked very fragile...So I thought may be I can assist her with walking her back home...(Like i mentioned I had a mission to "HELP")...so I just asked her - "Aunty...do you need to go some where? I can help you :)"...and she said No again...n I felt like shit...but then I just decided to stay back and talk to her...so It started with the casual questions like Do you come here often? and she replied ...Yes, I stay near by....I like sitting here in the evening and watch people passing by :) she had this really infectious smile..I mean the cute one with no teeth..it resembled a baby smiling...so I continued talking further..and again the "HELP" part popped in my mind and I asked her If i could by her some fruits or tea from a near by vendor...Yeah ...u got that right...I was not ging to give up on my mission :D but her response surprised me...she said No...I don't want to eat but why don't you come to my place...I'll show you my house..and I was like quite stumped about ok.here I was trying to do something for her and she's offering me to visit her house instead...this is not how this is supposed to be going..but anyhowI went ahead with her...

We entered the place which was a small room with a bed and a small table fan on the side...but I have never experienced a more welcoming place in my life..The feeling was beautiful like I could feel the love she had for a complete stranger that I was for her...and she took out a small box of biscuits and offered me...I felt so overwhelmed by her gesture that I didn't know what to say...and on top of that a relative of her's got a cup of tea for her and she told her to get another cup for me..and she held my hand and just started looking at me and had tears in her eyes...and I was like completely taken by the love I could see in her eyes...like such a pure emotion and for me who she barely knew for like last 10 mins...Wowww! When I left her place...I couldn't exactly comprehend what exactly was I feeling..I knew i got emotional and almost was about to cry...Cry about the whole irony of the situation and the feeling I just experienced...a realization that helping others is not necessarily about work...it can also be about giving your time to someone who needs it... a simple smile to someone who probably doesn't have anyone to talk to.

We see so many strangers who come to our place and we are always suspicious even if somebody is talking nicely cos we are so sure he/she has an ulterior motive...we are so scared to trust people that we have forgotten how to relish the simple pleasures in life...and that was what I experienced today...I dunno If i could help her in anyway...the only thing I could feel was that she was happy to see me to come and talk to her..but what she made me feel today I'll remember for life...its one of the most beautiful memories I have made and I know it will make me smile every time I think about it :)

Dil Dhadkne Do!!

I just came back after watching a much awaited movie - "Dil Dhadkne Do" and I'v been thinking ever since I have moved out of the theatre...its that kind of a movie which leaves an impact on you and makes you think....rise above our day to day mundane problems and look at the bigger picture...you can call it a modernized Rajshree Family drama too...but it makes a point (apart from all the love and togetherness of the family) in fact a lot of points and I could relate to so many of them.

Starting with the whole different treatment we still have between a daughter and a son in a family...even the well offs have this problem...its not restricted to the poor (which is kinda really sad that even the educated are still stuck with that sort of a thought process) then to the ages old concept of once a girl is married she is not a part of the family...and she is expected to keep her husband and his family above everything else....

There is this beautiful scene where Rahul Bose - playing a husband says "I was the first guy in my family to "allow" Ayesha (his wife) to set up her business" and very rightly pointed out who gave your the right to consider yourself to have the authority to allow anyone to do what he/she wants...and this happens in so many different forms...starting from certain dress codes implemented or allowed for girls in the house to the kind of jobs they are allowed to do...the timings to be back home (which I know for most cases are different for boys and girls) and I guess the list is endless..

Then off course the big issue of having kids...some say it in a subtle fashion...and some make it extremely obvious and I guess we can still handle family...but there are certain people who you have barely met for 5 minutes and they just tell you..."You are late...you should have kids by now" and to top it all they on their own decide that we should have a son...I mean Hello?? For girls its worst...as they get every possible advice to look after her family...leave your career focus on your family...forget about problems..have kids all will be fine...its like Bacha na hua Aladdin ka Chiraag ho gaya that it will grant all ur wishes. It is a decision a couple is supposed to make mutually and when they are ready...if they have any concerns they will discuss...simple as that.

Staying together and staying happily together are 2 different things and if two people are not happy with each other...there's no point dragging a relationship cos in the process you just end up hurting each other and hurting your own self...so y is still Divorce a Taboo? 

Hats off to Zoya Akhtar for putting forward all these questions again for all of us with a beautiful message in the end that every heart wants to beat its own way (Irrespective of being a girl or a guy)...why stop it...why tame it..let it dance to its own beat...just let it be!

Mom's Magic

"I realized when you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know.” —Mitch Albom

Mom's the word - if u ever find yourself low, alone, sick....one touch of her hand...her voice.. can soothe you like nothing else in the whole world. 

I have been the one and only child of my parents and a very possessive child when I was young :) didn't like my mom loving any other kid...often referred to as a typical trait of "single" childs!! I dunno if that really holds true for everyone but yes I was like that...may b I still am...just that i can mask it better now :P so I always had her attention...I remember waking up at night and telling her I'm hungry and she made parathas for me...making me sit on the kitchen slab and then making sure I sleep well :D 

Remember birthdays in school...when all we wanted to do was look the best in a new dress and distribute the best of sweets...and how many tantrums we had for selecting a dress...and I seriously wonder why did our mom tolerate them....I dunno if I can be that patient with my kids (if I have any at all)...My mom says..when she had me...all she wanted to do was keep me happy...and I hear the same story from my friends who have babies and all my aunts and I Believe it has to be something magical which changes in you once you are a Mother...like you suddenly get an ocean of love and patience towards your child and nothing else matters.

I have stayed away from my parents for quite sometime due to studies and then work...the first time I left home..I was quite excited to be "FREE" and my mom had come along to make sure I settle down comfortably...I still cannot forget when I dropped her at the airport and I was on my way back to the hostel...I cried like crazy....cos thats when I realized I'm going to be living without her for good 2 years now...no early morning waking up...no amazing food...no chit chat sessions at tea time...I think that was the first time I realized how much she means to me...

A similar but a more intense feeling came when I got married...Like i mentioned above...u miss your parents when you stay away but somehow you are still together...but after marriage the whole equation is like revised like nothing before....you may be staying like 2 blocks away...but you still just cant hop out of ur place and go and stay with her anytime...and that pinches...but when you do finally get to stay at your mum's place..its like HEAVEN...and I can bet all married girls agree to this :P and in my case i get flashbacks...like when I see my mother in law making something for my husband...like his fav dish or something...it reminds me of my mom doing the same for me...and I miss her terriblyyy at that moment...you do get used to it...but marriage gives a whole new dimension to the word "MOM" at least for girls :) 

No matter how old we get...we still need her...and it's a blessing to have her around us as that form of Love is something nobody else can share with us :) it's pure bliss - Mom's Magic!